It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
