He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
