Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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