Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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