Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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