It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
