Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
