we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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