I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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