so that wasnt chicken after all
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
