barbara walters just said penis...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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