How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
