you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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