I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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