I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
