After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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