I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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