Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You smell like stripper and shame
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
