Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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