Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
