I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
