doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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