atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
