he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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