i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we're making bets on your personal life
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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