And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
