so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
sex in a hospital.. check
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
