i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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