Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
