Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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