U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have started to decorate penises.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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