they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
