Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
