Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
