I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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