i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
