apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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