Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
