I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
