I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
