We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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