Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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