I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
