Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
