the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
