Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
