i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
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I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
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Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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