i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
did i walk over a car last night?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
