As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
