That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
