U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
