I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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