Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
