My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
