WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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