I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
