Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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