Are we in a gay sports bar?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
