I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
