This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
