the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
MIDGETS
????
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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