I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
