used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
