I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
