Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
