I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
