God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
