Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
