She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
