Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
