pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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