wanna go halves on a baby?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
